WAYNE'S WORLD 3

A Pitchplay by Matt Wall (c) 2004.

WAYNE (MIKE MYERS) is now middle-aged, and is still living in Aurora. He is married to CASSANDRA (Tia Carrere), who has, at her father's insistence, ditched the rock and roll lifestyle to become a respected physician. Her specialty is urology, and she is part-owner of a fertility clinic, which makes Wayne at times uncomfortable. Wayne is still doing the cable show "Wayne's World", but it has become a Crossfire and Charlie Rose-style public affairs program. His old sidekick is nowhere to be seen, having been replaced by his younger brother, DARTH AGAR (DAVID SPADE), who is a Tucker Carlson-style conservative to Wayne's Suburban soccer mom. The show is really, really boring. Wayne's past reappears when his producer (JOHN or JOAN CUSACK, in an uncredited cameo) picks "Death-Goth-Corpse Metal: Has it Gone Too Far?" as the weekly topic of conversation on the show. As we learn from interview snippets, a "E True Hollywood Story", and flashbacks, it is GARTH (DANA CARVEY) who has gone on to become a Marilyn Manson-like rocker, who performs under the name Adolf Bin Laden, and whose antics now drive parents crazy from coast to coast. The FIRST LADY (an unrecognizable MARILYN MANSON in drag, in a cameo) has made ridding the country of Garth's evil music her pet project.

Wayne has two other problems: his two teenage children with Cassandra, TYLER (a 17 yo girl played by newcomer TBD) and PERRY (a 15 yo boy played by newcomer TBD). Other than "Wayne's World", Wayne has essentially become a house husband (in an inside joke referring to the previous movies, Wayne addictively purchases every product placement he sees.) The kids have spent their whole lives in Aurora and are bored with it, and are oddly uncomfortable with their biracial heritage, caught between the squabbling between their maternal grandfather (JAMES HONG) and uncle (JACKIE CHAN in a cameo) and paternal grandmother (NORA DUNN). He doesn't understand his children's taste in music, and doesn't understand why everybody doesn't love the 70s classic rock that he does. Cassandra has become a jazz snob. Tyler is a Brittany Spears wannabe who constantly wears slutty clothes, which horrifies Wayne, particularly when he notices various men going "schwing" as Tyler walks down the street. Tyler is constantly bugging Wayne to allow her to have breast augmentation. Perry is an Eminem wannabe, and has died his hair blond and is trying to die his skin black. Wayne is as horrified with their music as they are with his.

Wayne endlessly seeks ways to re-connect with his family and the lost passion of his youth. The family goes to a counselor (WOODY ALLEN) who, instead of helping them, raises Wayne's paranoia by salaciously suggesting solo counseling with the pretty Tyler. Wayne makes a valiant attempt to immerse himself in today's youth culture, but he cannot bring himself to like it. He in fact becomes more horrified by the prospect of a sex and drugs culture -- as long as it involves his own kids, at least. Wayne gets it in his head that he can connect with his kids by enticing his old pal, Garth -- aka Adolf Bin Laden -- to do a concert in Aurora, thereby proving to them that he is cool.

He embarks upon a journey to Los Angeles to track down Garth/Adolf, and along the way runs into characters reprising their roles from the first two movies, all of whom have had odd twists to their lives (CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, ROB LOWE, HEATHER LOCKLEAR, KIM BASINGER, DREW BARRYMORE, ED O'NEILL). He crashes a "MONSTERS OF THE ARENA OF DEATH APALOOZA" festival to get backstage and talk to the elusive Garth/Adolf. In a cameo, SPINAL TAP (THEMSELVES) are shown opening for The Adolf Bin Laden Experience. (As an in-joke, Wayne goes by DEREK SMALLS (HARRY SHEARER) and asks him, "Hey, didn't you used to be Handsome Dan?!?")

Garth, it turns out, has his own problems. He has come to believe in the faked, overly dramatic story of his life put out by his management -- which we see in POV flashbacks: growing up in a trailerpark with KIM BASINGER as his mother, service as a Navy SEAL (JESSE VENTURA in a cameo as his drill instructor), a stint as a rogue cop on the NYPD force (DENZEL WASHINGTON as his partner, begging him to follow procedures), and as a character on a South Park-like cartoon -- and has lost all touch with his roots and the music that originally inspired him. His wife is ANNA NICOLE (HERSELF). Their own teenage children have a remarkable resemblance to Jack and Kelly Osbourne. Irate parents whose children have given up college to go to art school are suing him. The First Lady, through the evil ATTORNEY GENERAL (A John Ashcroft-like character who writes and performs his role in Christian spiritual songs, RIP TORN) has decided to get Adolf Bin Laden by any means. Wayne pleads with Garth, reminding him of their great times together and what a great place Aurora was growing up. Garth, intrigued at finding his roots again, agrees to stage the concert in Aurora.

The Attorney General and the First Lady do everything in their power to stop the concert, comparing Wayne and Garth/Adolf to terrorists, but Wayne prevails by using his TV show to remind boomers -- and Generation X and Generation Y -- that their taste in music and culture was also reviled by their parents. In the final scene in this campaign by Wayne, he debates the PRESIDENT (WILL FERRELL), who it turns out has an iPod strapped to his back under his suit during the debate playing classic Queen and Eric Clapton's "Cocaine". Wayne exposes him live during the debate, and the public demands that Waynestock 2 be allowed to go on, featuring Adolf Bin Laden.

Wayne is very hopeful that his children, having come to support him during this campaign for Adolf Bin Laden, will finally think that he is cool when they see him playing on stage with Garth/Adolf. The big day arrives, and Tyler and Perry are seen beaming as the curtain goes up. Garth, however, has in the meantime been in therapy and decides instead to play an all-acoustic set of disco-era material. Wayne is diasappointed to find that his kids will now always see him as an uncool middle-aged guy.

After the show, Wayne and Garth have an old-time conversational reunion on the tarmac of the airport. They share heart to heart memories, and are about to finally come back to their original point of friendship when Homeland Security arrests them for being too close to the runway.

Wayne and Garth get bailed out by Anna Nicole and Cassandra, and decide to make some changes -- they can indeed help one another out of their midlife crises, it seems. We see at the end of the movie Garth and Anna Nicole, living in Wayne and Cassandra's house and living out the suburban dream. Finally we see Tyler and Perry screaming their heads off at an AEROSMITH (THEMSLVES) concert. It turns out Aerosmith is opening for Wayne's band, Led Skynyrd, which is now the leader of the big Classic Rock revival movement sweeping the nation's fancy. Cassandra is his lead guitarist, and they all live happily ever after indulging in the rock and roll life style.